Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 16:16:34 EDT
Please forgive the length of this. I just need to tell this in detail for some reason.
The spring term at college ended and I returned home still feeling sad and unsettled. A wonderful friend, MC, died the year before from a drug overdose and I was still in denial about his death. Also I was very confused about what to do with the rest of my life. As an artist, I took comfort in my favorite pastime. When I wasn't looking for a summer job, I was sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor totally pre-occupied with drawings and other artwork.
The room next to mine was my brother, Jake's. Jake was soon to be a high school graduate and my parents had given him the okay to join two school buddies on a cross country trip out west. Although Jake and I had been close once, we had little in common anymore and I knew little of his current life. However I was aware that he was a marijuana user and, on occasion, popped a few pills, but I never knew how deep into drugs he was. It was a recreation he kept well hidden from the family.
The strange stuff came three weeks before he was to leave on his trip. I was sitting in the middle of my room on the floor, working on some drawing, when I felt as if I had suddenly become sick to my stomach. It came on so fast that I dropped the pencil in my hand. Wondering what was happening to me, I immediately had an impression that something was wrong, but I wasn't physically sick to my stomach. Something inside of me told me to just relax and listen but it didn't come in words. I just knew this somehow. As I relaxed, information that seemed to come from the right of me somewhere, was telling me that my brother was going to get into trouble and it was because of the drugs he would have with him on his trip. What confused me the most was: I knew this. It wasn't a 'maybe', or a possible outcome of events....this was going to happen. My brother was going to jail.
Now I must mention here that I didn't believe in ghosts, had very little tolerance for ESP, and regarded predictions of the future as pure bull. But there I sat with what had to be a look of astonishment with the realization that I knew something I could not know. I tried to shake off the feeling but I couldn't. Finally I decided I had been overworking myself and needed to get out of that room for a while.
I forgot about the unsettling occurrence until five or six days later. I was making a sandwich in the kitchen, when I felt as if someone had come up behind me to tell me something. I turned around to see who it and was astonished to see no one there. Then the 'knowing' feeling returned. The reoccurrence of the intensity of that ‘feeling’ unsettled me greatly and I left the house for some fresh air.
Things settled down over the next few weeks and my brother began to assemble his camping gear and ready for his trip. Enough time had elapse for me to forget those strong warnings I had been receiving.
A couple days before Jake's departure, I was in my room as usual working on drawings while my brother was busy packing in the next room. Then it happened for the last time. I felt a very strong sense of someone coming up from behind me and standing there as if trying to get my attention. I swung around, certain someone had come into the room. But I saw nothing. This time I realized that someone seemed to be there, urgently trying to tell me something. I didn't know what at first. Then my mind was flooded with dread. My brother, drugs, arrest, jail. He was going to get into trouble.
There was something else this 'spirit' had been nagging me to do that I had shirked from the very beginning that it happened. That was, to do something about the information that I received. But what? Warn my parents that Jake was taking drugs and not to let him take this trip? That would certainly drive a wedge between any brother-sister relationship in the future. Warn Jake? How can I warn a 17-year-old kid who thinks he knows everything and considers his sister a jerk?
The pressure was still there. Do something...do something. I ran over in my head what I could tell Jake that would make him change his mind about taking drugs with him. I couldn't tell him what I had sensed. Even more cynical about premonitions than me was Jake. He couldn't listen to things like that without rolling his eyes up in annoyance as I'd seen him do many times. And the truth was...I didn't understand what or who was trying to contact me to make Jake understand. If that makes any sense.
A feeling of failure crept over me as I walked with dread to Jake's room. He was busy and excited and welcomed a chance to tell someone, even me, all the places he would visit on his camping trip. Trying to find a way to work in my warning seemed hopeless. He was so bubbly. Finally in a pause, I asked Jake if he planned to take drugs with him on his trip. Jake looked suspiciously at me and said that he and his friends were planning to pick some marijuana in the southwest and bring it home. My heart sank. With as much courage as I could muster, I said: "Jake, please be careful. Don't get caught." As expected, Jake sensed I was there to put a damper on his plans, and dismissed me from his room by giving me a dirty look, "We won't... geez...buzz off" For a few minutes I stood there praying that some better words would come to me, but as sure as I was that he would get in trouble, I was also just as sure he would not listen.
My brother refused to talk anymore, so I left the room feeling defeated. But the minute I left Jake's room, I felt as if a ton of weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I mean... it felt so real. I felt lighter than air. The strong urgent pressure was gone. I felt released.
Jake left a few days later and I promptly forgot it all until nearly three weeks later, Jake pulled his car into the driveway. I was relieved to see all had gone well and raced down the stairs and out the door to greet him. Jake and his friend had their backs to me while they dug equipment out of the trunk of the car. I got within fifteen feet of them and stopped dead in my tracks. I felt as if I walked into a wall of blackness. A feeling of incredible doom and dread washed over me. Without even seeing Jake's face, before the first words were spoken, I knew that Jake was in big trouble. And even before the first words were spoken, I heard it in my head first. "Oh mom, we got in trouble on our trip."
I heard my mother come out the door behind me and I squeezed my eyes tight as my brother turn around to say: "Mom, we got in some trouble on our trip." And then I heard the next part too before he actually said it. "We got arrested and went to jail for drugs we had on us."
Hearing things before he said them, was like an echo in my head. I was shaking so hard that I felt I was loosing control of my body. Leaving my distraught mother and Jake on the front lawn, I rushed upstairs to my room and closed the door. I sat on the floor, but the shaking was so bad, I seemed to come up off the floor. Wrapping my arms around myself to keep from shaking made it worse. Finally I lay down to see if that would help, but as soon as I did, every bone in my body seemed to go into a wild spasm. I was very scared but glad that I had closed the bedroom door. My worst fear was that someone would come in and see me in this state. Something inside of me told me not to fight so hard. Just relax and go with it and stop fighting it. I did, and I shook very hard, bouncing around on the floor for what seemed like ten minutes before these spasms finally ceased. Looking back on this, I probably went into shock, a purely physical reaction, but had a spirit nearby sitting through it with me.
For the next six months our home seemed to be enveloped in an aura of depression. My parents were in so much anguish that they hardly spoke to anyone while awaiting my brother's trial. Jake rarely ventured out of his room. Fortunately, I landed a job that kept me away from home most of the time. Things turned out pretty well in the end. My brother had to pay a fine as a first time offender and was warned by the judge to get good grades in college, which he did. Jake turned his life around, graduated with an engineering degree and is today a model father to his two sons.
As for me, I often wondered about this event and what it meant. Obviously something or someone was giving me information about a future event. And for some reason, I was supposed to do something with this information. Those two ideas are clear. But why? Since I was unable to stop the event from happening, it leaves me with more questions than answers. Perhaps it was MC in spirit, trying to alert me that my brother was headed in the direction of his own demise. Still, the paranormal event seemed to be aimed at me more so than my brother. To this day it's hard for me to believe that one can know the future in advance, but I don't discount anything anymore.